Next
couldn't tell you what is
It’s always what people want to know. What you’re doing now and what you’re doing next. The plans you have or are making. As the year comes to an end (somehow?) posts of reflections and planning and intentions and goals will be hitting feeds and inboxes. And I find that I have so few. Whether it’s because this year I spent far more time in the present than I did in the past or the future. I enjoyed more moments as they came than I did anticipating what would be coming next, or overly processing what had happened. Something that is admittedly not my normal. Always between what was and what will be.
However, there is something about next that is new and exciting amidst all the uncertainty and unknown. I think that’s what brings the excitement and curiosity. Regardless of the amount of planning done and intentions or expectations set, there are always things that remain out of our control. But there’s something about the planning that makes it feel as though it remains in our hands. Control. With expectations (usually) high, or as high as we allow them to get, occasionally (more often) disappointment comes. Making moments slightly bitter. But then there are the moments that exceed expectations. Whether we knew we had them high or not.
After travelling for six months the most common question has been “So what’s next.” And while I know practically what’s next, if those six months taught me anything, I don’t know what’s next. I was shown the importance of planning, but ultimately the freedom and excitement in taking things as they come within the plans made or those not. To remain flexible and open to what may happen and welcome the change. To adapt and allow the stress, disappointment and joy move through me one at a time, or all at once. To be okay with changed plans, within or beyond my control. To allow things to come and go as they may. Truly have an “open hands” mindset.
Again, I don’t know what’s next. I do know the things that are set to happen next: school for four years. Staying in my city for another lease term. Working at the store I have been dedicated to seeing the growth and success my dear friend started three years ago and growing into a new role.
I don’t know where I’m travelling next. I don’t know where I’m planning to live next. Where I’ll work next.
But for the first time in a long time, I’m confident and content in knowing where I am now and not rushing off to what could be.
I have a lot of reflecting to do on the past year that I’ll pick over the next few months. As important as reflecting is, I’m okay with settling in the now.
And as the new year approaches, with goals and intentions being set, I hope you take a moment - or two - to notice where you are now and remember where you are now. Take it all in and remember that with what’s next, now will never be again.
See you next year <3
With much and thanks and see you in the next one <3
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